Fourth Failure

Time to be honest.

The week before fourth of July I started to make small compromises in my eating.  The first 50 days of this routine were supposed to help boost start me, and therefore I created a strict diet and exercise routine for those 50 days.  Well, as I allowed myself to fudge a little here and there, I slowly noticed not only my diet was changing, but my mindset.

I started to think:

"I deserve this"

and,

"I'll just start my diet back again on Tuesday"

I started to think like I did in the past when I was all consumed with losing weight via some insane weight loss program.  I used to count calories and say: "Well, if I just lose 2 pounds a week I can be at my goal weight by_" I would spend my days thinking about food, calories, and what was the bare minimum I could do and still see results.  Of course, this never worked for me.  I was constantly thinking about what meals I could cheat on, and eventually I'd be back to my old bad habits.

This time has been so different because I have been looking at this process as "I just want to take care of myself daily.  I want to daily work towards a long term goal."  But as I began to cheat a little here and there my mindset switched back to thinking about weight loss, instead of my health. By the Fourth of July the excuse "It's a holiday" had become my mantra.  That weekend I think I ate more food each day than I had in an entire week.  To add injury to insult, I didn't eat a single thing with nutritional value.

Which is why I gained weight last week. 

I was up by about 3 pounds on Tuesday July 5. 

I was a little shocked to see that number, but it woke me up.  This HAS to be about my health.  Also, I wasn't devastated because this process hasn't been about my weight. I was more upset that my attitude had slipped so much.

And don't get me wrong, it's good to allow rewards and "cheat meals". In fact, it's healthy to do that.  But when I started to lose my perspective I was no longer focused on the healthy, but on my control over my own destruction.

After a few days of being back on track I've already lost some of the weekend bulge, but that's not what this is all about.  I have to be conscious of my mindset. Always.

Anyways, because of my fourth failure, I thought I'd include a little video with fireworks in it for your enjoyment!