Getting Close-The verdict

SPARTAN RACE COUNTDOWN

Well, there it is.... Tick, tick, ticking away....

The race is just around the corner and I am getting more and more scared!

The past few weeks have been interesting for me.  My arm is getting slightly better, but it still hurts.  It has been a daily struggle not to feel discouraged!

 I cannot even begin to write down all of the things I have been going through since I hurt myself.  This has been a very hard process.  Everyone keeps asking me, "Are you still going to do the race?"  "How many days until the race?" "Do you think you can do it?"

All right arm. Whatcha gonna do? You gonna heal up in time for this race??

I found myself satisfying my sadness with peanut butter cups and fast food.  The combination of no exercise with a sudden decline in diet created a wonderfully negative emotional bomb for me.

One night I was driving home and I had a full-on emotional breakdown.  I began to cry as I realized that I might not actually be able to compete in this race.  Another thought that I had was that even if I do compete I won't be able to do some of the obstacles, and it will definitely take me longer to get through than the time I had originally planned to finish in.

I was definitely having a pity party for myself.

The next day at work a couple girls were asking me about how my arm was and I told them the truth, that I was really struggling with it. One of the women in the conversation pulled me aside afterwards and lovingly, but firmly said this,

"Heather. I want you to really pray about this race.  Pray about whether or not this is something God wants you to be doing, because if He is trying to slow you down and you keep fighting Him, eventually He will let you go... and believe me, you do not want that. Make sure that this isn't about you, or your pride."

I was dumbfounded.  I stopped and took a moment to think.  I realized that if God Himself were standing in front of me telling me not to do this race I think I would have thrown a fit and told Him that I knew better.  That's when I realized that I had made this race into an Idol.

I took a good thing, a goal for being healthier, and made it an ultimate thing.  Originally I started this whole process as a way of loving my body, but somewhere along the line it became about 'look what I can do'. My pride has definitely kicked in, and this race was going to be all about me and my glory.

I have had many conversations since then, and I have been doing a lot of praying.  I realized that even being upset that I won't be able  to run it as fast as I had originally hoped is proof that this race has become about my pride.  Haven't I been saying all along that this isn't about how fast I run it, rather just COMPLETING the race???

Another revelation hit me.  This whole race had been my goal to help me work towards eating well too, and the second I was no longer in control of my exercise I decided to stop being dilligent in what I was eating as well. The self-medicating I was doing with food should have been a warning flag!

I have been praying about it, and I have been asking God to give me the correct perspective.  With only days to the race I need to be positive that I'm not running it for my own glory, but for His.  It is because of the love that Christ has for me that I am even capable of taking care of myself.  That should be ever-present in my mind.

Since then, my attitude has shifted.  It's been a hard lesson to work through (and I'm definitely still working through it) but I realized that ultimately, I am still so blessed. I have a minor injury on a fully functioning body.  There are so many people who don't even have that!

Also, I must keep EVERYTHING in perspective.  I was reading some old blogs on here where I was talking about how much I wasn't disciplined and how much I hated exercise.  It rocked my world to realize that part of the reason I've been so upset over the past couple of weeks is because I haven't been able to exercise... that's mind boggling to me.  I used to be upset because I needed to exercise... now I'm upset when I don't get to exercise.  PRAISE GOD FOR THE TRANSFORMATION HE HAS BEEN WORKING IN MY LIFE.

So.  Here's the verdict:

Yes.  I will be running this race.  Yes. It will be the most difficult thing I have ever done, now moreso than even before.  But I am going to take my time and remember this is a fun goal that I have been excited for for months.  This isn't about how fast I can run it, or how awesome I am at each of the obstacles, no.  This is about praising God for having blessed me with a body.  This is an act of worship to Him.  May it be to His glory alone!